Who You Are Is Enough
I distinctly remember sitting on the back lawn chatting to my Grandma at her house one summer day when I was about 4 years old. She was asking me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I told her that I wanted to be a teacher, or a missionary, or a minister’s wife.... oh, and wrinkly - because that would mean I’d spent my whole life smiling :)
As you know, I got to fulfill the dream of becoming a pastor’s wife when I married the handsome Alan Scott at the ripe old age of 21. And now closer to 40, am inching ever nearer to the reality of ‘wrinkly’, (well, ‘crinkly’ at least). But I never thought I’d end up becoming a song writer, or a worship leader. And truth to tell, I never had any ambition or desire to do so either. That is, until the Lord started to let me in on what He was thinking.
It was while I was studying Theology at Bible College that the Lord began to speak.
I had written songs since the age of 9. The year I turned 20 I was given quite a number of prophetic words that I was going to write songs people across the world would use as their worship to Jesus. I could barely wait to get started! I assumed the transition from writing the ministry type of songs I’d written all those years into writing worship songs would be a seamless, wonderful stroll in the park. Not entirely the way things worked out though.
All of a sudden I went from writing a song or two a week, to not being able to write a single note. At first I thought it was just a blip, and maybe when I tried again next week, it would come back.
I tried again.
After a year, I’d started to give up hope that I’d ever write again, and it felt horrible. It felt like my arms had been cut off. This was the way I expressed myself to God, and how I understood my place in the world. I felt lost.
After two years, I still wrestled with it from time to time, and tried to write again, but songs still wouldn’t come. I’d begun the journey of finding out who I was, even if I never wrote another song.
By the third year, I’d set the words spoken over me into a treasure box in my heart; something I could revisit if the Lord ever wanted me to, but at long last I was ready to make peace with it all. It didn’t matter as much any more anyway because I’d finally ‘got it’, that I was a child of God, and whatever He put in my hands was the gift that I would use to bring Him honour. It could look the way He wanted, and was nothing to do with His love for me, or who I was. I was HIS. I wasn’t ‘in’ because of what I could do. I was ‘in’ because I belonged to Him, and that was enough.
I thought that would be the pattern for the rest of my life, and I couldn’t have been happier. Song writing had become a happy memory.
Until one night, deep in the middle of the night, I woke up with lyrics going round in my head. I’d almost forgotten what that felt like, it had been a whole three years! I grabbed a pen and paper and jotted them down. Honestly, they weren’t very good, and I knew it at the time too, but they were lyrics, real, actual lyrics. I wasn’t at all sure that song writing was coming back, but I was totally OK with that. I didn’t need it anymore. I only needed Jesus!
Several weeks later, something started brewing in my heart. It was a whole song this time, it was ‘Child of God’. A few short weeks after that, I wrote a song called ‘Hungry’. That was just the beginning, and what a beginning it was too.
Those songs, and many since, have become songs that the Church at large does use on Sundays and in services to sing out her worship. It is the most incredible fulfillment of what Jesus spoke to me when I was 20 years old. But the privilege, the wonder, where the life is for me, is in the belonging! I thoroughly became His when I was between the dreaming and the coming true, and there is nothing in the world more precious to me than that.
Who I am - who you are is enough because of who we belong to.